Adult Friendships, Energy Boundaries & Outgrowing People

 

Wit & Reason with alex and DR. Alexis

Adult friendships can be lifelines—or emotional sinkholes. But when a friendship starts feeling more draining than supportive, do you walk away, set boundaries, or push for deeper connection?

In this episode of Wit and Reason’s Therapy Or Trash series, Dr. Alexis Moreno and Alex Honigman react to viral videos on friendship, vulnerability, neurodivergence, and emotional intelligence. They dig into whether ghosting, redefining boundaries, or fighting for closeness is healthy and therapeutic… or toxic and trash.

From ADHD distraction guilt to the grief of outgrowing one-sided relationships, they unpack the neuroscience, psychology, and emotional cost of changing how—and who—you connect with as an adult. Along the way, they validate the “strong friend,” challenge outdated social rules, and push for intentional friendships built on equity, reciprocity, and care.

If you’ve ever wrestled with whether to hold on or let go, this conversation will help you see friendship through a sharper, more compassionate lens.


Resources from the Show

  • Access Mental Health Therapy and Coaching

  • Keep on Actively Learning and Growing: Trainings & On-Demand Courses

  • Listen to Dr. Alexis’ Mental Health Lessons & Meditations: Aura Health Guest Pass

  • Reviewed Content - Creator Credits:
    Josh Smith- @koolasjosh on TikTok

    Mark Nichols- @itsmarknichols on TikTok

    Dr. Chelsia Potts- @divergenthood on TikTok

    Dr. Bing, MD MPH- @doctor.bing on TikTok

    Calamityware- @calamityware on Tiktok

    Josh- @joshrosen_ on TikTok

    Amparo Hoelscher- @xoamparo on TikTok

Host

Dr. Alexis Moreno - Wit & Reason

ALEXIS MORENO, PSYD, MA, MS - SHE/HER

PSYCHOLOGIST, HEALTH CORRESPONDENT, Speaker, & Founder

Dr. Alexis (she/her) utilizes the powerful impact awareness, education, & opportunity have on mental health. She mindfully creates fun & supportive experiences for her speaking and media audience and private clients to safely explore their true values, learn new healthy practices, & take action steps toward living authentically.

She has a Doctorate in Clinical Community Psychology, a Master of Arts in Marriage & Family Therapy, & a Bachelor of Science in both Television Broadcasting & Psychology. With over 16 years of experience in media & psychology, she aims to make mental health relatable & accessible for all through her coaching, consultation, & media outreach.

Dr. Alexis provides media, speaking, & mental health consultation services.

Alex Honigman - Wit & Reason

Alex Honigman, LICSW, MA- HE/ HIM

Clinical Director, Speaker, Therapist, & Executive Coach

Alex (he/him) enjoys the relationship between the psyche and society. Having never wanted to pick a side in the nature versus nurture debate, he pursued degrees in both Psychology and Sociology and finally a Master’s of Social Work with an emphasis on clinical interventions. He has worked as an educator for non-profits and lecturer for Universities. Starting as a therapist for survivors of trauma, moving on to perpetrators, and spending significant time as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker at a Forensic State Hospital. Alex continues to emphasize culture as a key component to effective therapy and the changing of systems (organizations and businesses). Whether this be through music, film, tv, art, comics, games, memes or other aspects of popular (or sometimes unpopular) culture. Utilizing an individual’s cultural values to make for a more meaningful individualized therapeutic intervention.

Airing Weekdays on 96.3 HD4 DC Radio

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Episode Transcription

Dr. Alexis: This week on therapy

Alex: or Trash.

Dr. Alexis: What? What's that?

Alex: Which,

Dr. Alexis: why was it so like heavy metal? That is not our vibe. Yeah, that's his vibe.

Alex: You gotta bring it. You gotta bring it. Oh, it should be WWE SmackDown. No, it's the A Kool-Aid

Dr. Alexis: Man. Bursting through. Yeah. Yeah, that works. I'll do Kool-Aid, man. Not wwe or not metal.

Not

Alex: heavy metal. That's fine. Fine. Whatever. It's excellent. I know. It's excellent. Kool-Aid man's better though. You're right.

Dr. Alexis: Alright, fine. You bursting. There go trash.

Alex: Oh,

Dr. Alexis: trash. He just holding garbage bags. Aw.

Alex: Poor guy. Poor sounded rough. I haven't seen commercials for Kool-Aid in forever.

Dr. Alexis: So this week we're going into valuing your energy.

We

Alex: are,

Dr. Alexis: yeah.

Alex: I love this idea. Was it my idea or your idea? You picked it. I'm gonna say that I did this and it's my fault. I love this idea. Yeah, so valuing your energy. I was thinking a little bit about how we are in new spaces and places and how we've been hanging out with new folks, and how do you value your energy so you know when to dive in and when to hold back a little bit.

Dr. Alexis: Yeah. It's. Tricky, especially if you're out there as an adult trying to make new friends. Life is Lifeing. Life is, it's not always easy to carve out that time, and so it could be tempting to just preserve it for people you already know. True. But then those relationships might have just. Gone on different paths, different val values, or those people just don't have the time or Yeah, no, definitely are as interested.

So then you have to take the risk Yeah. Of either trying to take the time to navigate those past relationships or trying to take the time to, and or take the time to navigate new relationships. Yeah. Both require some vulnerability and

Alex: Well, and not everybody figuring stuff out. No, not, but not everybody.

Not all of our friends. Not everybody's friends. Yeah. Handle like the challenges and changes of their roles the same. So there are the parents that disappear, they're the people who like have kids and you never hear of 'em again. You're

Dr. Alexis: talking about like our parents?

Alex: No, our

Dr. Alexis: friends who are parents. Our friends who

Alex: are parents.

So our friends who are parents or your

Dr. Alexis: friends who are parents.

Alex: Your friends who are parents or you

Dr. Alexis: who are a parent now as a parent.

Alex: They disappear into the parent thing and do nothing but being a parent, which totally makes sense to a lot of people, and I get that, but also it's a big responsibility.

It's a huge, but also, where are you taking time for yourself? Maybe you don't. Maybe you do, maybe, but you can't make somebody do that. Yeah. So that's really hard. So like you have to respect that and you get whatever you can from them. But that may not be enough anymore because you're like, I'll. You see them once in a blue moon.

Right. So

Dr. Alexis: I know. And so either way it's risky, it can be time consuming. There's definitely vulnerability on each side, whether you're trying to like, yeah, I don't know. Force or encourage a past relationship gently encourages to keep on hanging out with you. Nurture, right. Poking gay to hang out. Hello? Or if you're trying to make some new friendships and navigate that.

Yeah, I'm

Alex: terrible at this stuff.

Dr. Alexis: Oh, why do you say that? I just

Alex: don't, I'm not good at reaching out to folks. I like get in my own little world and I do my own little thing and I'm like, oh, cool, cool. And I don't even have kids. I'm, I have a very invested dog and a cat, a

Dr. Alexis: very needy dog and cat. Very,

Alex: yes.

Yes. So, and so for me, it's hard to remember to then make those reaches because I always feel like I'm doing the next thing and the next thing and the next thing. So even for myself. Even without kids, I'm still, I will still run into that barrier. So even for myself, valuing my energy and remembering that is really important, right?

Because then if I'm spending time with people that I'm like, eh, then I'm like, oh, but that's a waste. I should just do the things for myself.

Dr. Alexis: Right? I know then. Then it was a backwards fomo.

Alex: Yeah. Yeah. No,

Dr. Alexis: I actually went out and checked things out and it wasn't as good as you said it was. I enjoy myself.

Myself in my time. More if I was at home eating a pizza.

Alex: Yeah, yeah. Fair. Valuing your energy. That's what I, I was like, this is on point. Yeah. Talking about friendships, talking about all sorts of themes regarding like personal growth, emotional intelligence, and I like the idea of like intentional relationships.

Yeah. So talking a little bit about those today, have a bunch of clips lined up and we're gonna talk whether or not it's. Therapy or

Dr. Alexis: trash. I try to do heavy metal

Alex: trash. Try to get rid therapy or

Dr. Alexis: trash. That's, that's a Kool-Aid man. He's coming out with his, he's bursting through the fence with his big bags of garbage.

Alex: I feel like you're going through like a

Dr. Alexis: Well, 'cause he's coming out with the garbage. You just busting through a ball. Does g see no Kool-Aid man?

Alex: Gen Z. Do you know Kool-Aid man? Let

Dr. Alexis: us know in the comments.

Alex: Yeah, if you're, you might know them from Family Guy

Dr. Alexis: if you're watching or listening to this On demand.

Alex: Yes.

Dr. Alexis: Or live with us. Live streaming. Yeah.

Alex: Yeah. Do you know the Kool-Aid man? Do you know he lives on Dre Lane? No, it doesn't. Don't confuse that. Sorry. Sorry. That's the muffin man. My bad. You saw Shrek, I'm sure

.: wit reason with Alex and Dr. Alexis, where real talk meets real growth. Diving deep into relationships and breakthroughs, live insights, expert advice, and your voice in the mix, let's build better lives together.

Dr. Alexis: I know you said that it's challenging for you to remember. I think there's also for us, like some HD stuff to get hyper-focused into things, but I think you've been doing a good job of, of

Alex: at

Dr. Alexis: least making that effort for those intentional relationships.

Alex: Thanks. Yeah, that is far more complimentary than I feel like I deserved.

Thank you so much. I appreciate that.

Dr. Alexis: I tried to, I would hear it. I would hear, and then as I'm looking at my old relationships, I'm thinking like, which ones are like reciprocating or which ones who, whose values even still align with mine. So when you're thinking, when we mention like intentional relationships, what do you mean by that?

Alex: I think of. So reciprocation is great. Yeah. I think creating intentional space for one another, which would be like, Hey, let's get something to get. Let's get together. Let's get something on the books. Let's do something this. Let's do something specific. I'm free here or there. Yeah. Or then in this time or whatever,

Dr. Alexis: lock it down

Alex: and it's not, and it's also.

You try not to do it like eight months from now, it's, Hey, let's, that is

Dr. Alexis: so strong because it's so I haven't read,

Alex: you know who

Dr. Alexis: you

Alex: are, who does

Dr. Alexis: this to me? Yeah. I have Christmas booked out and we're in July.

Alex: Yeah, so the problem with that, the problem with that is also if you only do that

Dr. Alexis: Yeah.

Alex: Because you're like, then it doesn't feel like there's a lot of value in the relationship.

They, your friend also doesn't only do that, so that's good. You're right. Right. But the idea is in that you need to make time. That's small. Mm-hmm. You don't have to do these big sweeping things like, Hey, yeah, let's take time to make a phone call. Let's say Thursday night, let's make a call and hang out for a little bit.

Chat, maybe virtually have a drink, whatever you wanna do, or just go for a walk. And the walk and talk.

Dr. Alexis: I get in my head about thinking about if this person's gonna be available for my call.

Alex: Yeah.

Dr. Alexis: And so then I was like, do I need to, so then I text to try to schedule a call. Yeah. But then, then there's you're scheduling to schedule.

Yeah. So it's like, just screw it. I'm just gonna pick up the phone, call this person, leave a voicemail. They'll call me back when they're ready, at least. Sure. I could hear their recorded voicemail and they can hear mine

Alex: that I put in the effort. Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Alexis: Yeah. So when you're talking about intentionality and relationships, you're talking about like people who reciprocate people in both sides.

Yes. And people who actually like move forward with making logistical plans. Yes, yes. The value-based stuff.

Alex: Yes.

Dr. Alexis: People who actually value their adult. Friendships. Yes. And relationships who have similar values in, I don't know, like human rights. That's that you had to check in with

Alex: these

Dr. Alexis: kids.

Alex: That's,

Dr. Alexis: yeah.

And hobbies and interests and Yeah. Totally. Aspirations and stuff. That'd be nice.

Alex: That's a lot. Yeah. Yeah. You through a lot. Yeah. So it's a

Dr. Alexis: lot to consider. Yeah,

Alex: that was a lot. But yeah, I'm what I'm talking about. I'm

Dr. Alexis: guessing there's people online who have some thoughts and ideas about around relationships, friendships.

And then how to navigate this, especially in adulthood.

Alex: Yeah. Yep. Like just everyone's got an opinion. Yeah. Everybody ever. Some of them are good, some of them not so good. We'll talk about these today. Okay. To get us started, I felt like this clip was right on point. I felt like this is the one that kind of got the ball rolling into my head and around this stuff.

So let's tee this thing up and you we're gonna talk about whether or not this idea, this idea of energy here, therapy. It is a bit about what energy looks like and how, how, whether or not you're putting in more to something than you're supposed to.

Dr. Alexis: This clip is another take on growth. And I'm listening.

Alex: Yes, y'all. I just seen a post on Instagram that said, don't correct the story anymore. Just outgrow the audience in peace. It's clever, it's quippy. It's interesting. I think this creator's got,

Dr. Alexis: I feel like there's some kind of drama going on there for that creator. Yeah, for

Alex: sure. I feel like we write narratives around people or make excuses for others.

Dr. Alexis: Yeah,

Alex: don't let them, don't rewrite a story for somebody.

Dr. Alexis: And that's a challenge with maintaining like long-term friends, York friends, childhood friends, like I am just so amazed at people who have. Friends. Even from like high school? Yeah. Let alone like grade school. You have some like OG friends. I

Alex: do, I do.

And like our value sets still align in so many ways. There are ways in which we communicate that are feel effective, but it's also, I don't feel like I have to push on those relationships to continue to develop them in a different way.

Dr. Alexis: Yeah.

Alex: So they just are what they are. So I know who they are and I get who they are.

So for me, that's been a lot of acceptance and

Dr. Alexis: along with this creator's take on navigating, especially it seems like. Established relationship. Mm-hmm. Don't bother trying to change the narrative.

Alex: Yeah. When people, when somebody shows you who they are, believe it.

Dr. Alexis: Yes.

Alex: That it's like that. I feel like it, it hits that same point for me.

Dr. Alexis: Oh, I don't at all. Oh,

Alex: really?

Dr. Alexis: Yeah, because he's talking, it sounds like someone, the his friends or people that he's in relationship with, they're. I heard some drama or gossiping about him, and he is, I'm not gonna try to fix this narrative. You're either gonna ask me directly, or, you know, oh, I didn't get that at all know of me, and then know that it's a bunch of bs, or I'm just gonna move on with my life and find other relationships that like.

Know who I am

Alex: ing and get me. That's not what I got from that clip at all. I thought he was talking about like some of the other dynamics in, around interpersonally. You don't have to rewrite the script for people, so, man,

Dr. Alexis: listen again.

Alex: Yeah, that's fair. But I think like, again, you don't have to change the narrative.

You don't have to do anything with that narrative. You get to see who people are in the way they, in which they're talking about things and the way they're, I thought they were talking about

Dr. Alexis: for him.

Alex: I don't know. He said he saw it on Instagram, so I don't think it was personalized. Yeah.

Dr. Alexis: Well he saw a post, so he's like relating to the post that said, don't try to change the story just.

Change your audience. Yeah. But the story's about him. If the audience is believing a negative story about him, he's gonna be like, well, I'm not gonna try to like convince you. You should know who I am. You should know my value. So I'm just gonna go change the audience and leave this drama or these toxic relationships and then go find new relationships where people like see me for who I am.

That's what I took from it. Like from his perspective. Yeah. Okay. I get you stories about him. I could see it from the other words. So yours is, he's talking about.

Alex: People in general. The

Dr. Alexis: narrative of other people?

Alex: No, just the PE people in general.

Dr. Alexis: Yeah.

Alex: Who do you, the story being something more like lofty, not just so literal, so, so

Dr. Alexis: we'll ask him, we're gonna stitch this with you.

It's a KO as Josh with a Kool-Aid. It's right on boy with Kool-Aid. K-O-O-L-A-S. JOSH. We're gonna ask you, okay. Were you referring to people. Narrative about you, and you're like, I'm not even gonna try to, I

Alex: talking on the internet type of thing,

Dr. Alexis: or No. I think personally in his life, I don't, I'm not gonna try to defend myself with you guys.

You should know who I am by now. Mm-hmm. Or through my actions, and so believe what you wanna believe. I'm not gonna try to change this narrative. I don't feel like it was that person, but I, I hear you think so. That's, I don't think it

Alex: was that personal at all. Okay. See, we'll have to see this.

Dr. Alexis: Or is it about other people in the

Alex: Sure.

All

Dr. Alexis: right. Sure.

Alex: But All right. All in all, is it therapy?

Dr. Alexis: Either way.

Alex: Is it therapeutic? What do you think? Oh yeah, it's therapeutic. Which part of it? Either one.

Dr. Alexis: Either one. Same, one.

Alex: Fine. I, I actually

Dr. Alexis: agree with you, but yeah,

Alex: sure. Alright, so it's therapeutic either way. So whether or not it's finding people who have the same value set as you, or being able to let go of people who aren't accepting you for what you are or who you are.

Yeah. Either way. The pathway of which emphasis you're gonna put on whatever syllable you want. That's the important thing. The important part is conserve your energy for the things that actually bring you growth and change. Yes. I like that idea in there and I think that's pretty solidified there.

Dr. Alexis: Yeah, I, it's tricky these days on social media because there's a lot of people who are posting.

This featuring this practice of just cutting people off. Yeah. Emotional cutoffs and relationship cutoffs. Yeah. And ghosting people. And then just moving on by new people. And so my only concern is moving on too quickly versus, especially depending on who it is, if it's something you really care about.

Taking that time to have the conversation. Sure. And to work things out with our loved ones or our historic friends. That's how they last. Yeah. And at the same time, assuming you did that, yeah. Assuming a person did try to address whatever conflict was there, what kind of negative narrative there is, and the person still wants to see you through a negative filter.

Or vice versa.

Alex: Cool.

Dr. Alexis: Then, then yeah, go find your people.

Alex: Yeah. So therapy.

Dr. Alexis: Yeah. All right. Therapeutic. Therapeutic.

Alex: It's therapeutic. It is not track. So let's, uh, tee up number two here. I think this one is really great because it's also about outgrowing those imbalanced relationships. So this guy's got plenty to say about what is a balanced relationship, but what's not.

So let's take a look. Go for

it. I think one of the toughest pills to swallow in real time is when you sit back and you stop reaching out, you stop calling first. And you stop overextending yourself and you quickly realize that the relationship that you thought was a fruitful bond was really one-sided all along.

And that this person that you made the center of your life or an integral piece of your life did not have the same level of commitment to you as you had to them. And I honestly and truly believe that I am in the era in my life where I am not going to match people's energy, but I am going to strictly only give my energy to people that value it.

There's no reason why I'm going above and beyond for you. I'm constantly communicating first. I'm constantly calling first. I'm constantly making an initiative for us to hang out, but there is no reciprocity when it comes to you repaying the favor, and if you ever mention these things to them, they'll constantly say that you're counting favors, you're trying to hold things over their head, or you're doing things with the wrong intent.

However, if they understood the principle of these things and that it should be normal for you to reach out and check on your friend, if they do the same thing to you, it would never be a disagreement in the first place because they would just get it. That's why I tell people all the time, you have to be able to.

Discern who is emotionally intelligent enough to receive the type of love that you are capable of giving. And if they are not on that wavelength, then you need to deal with them accordingly. Not saying that you cannot associate with them, but you do not need to be putting them in a higher category of friendship.

Yeah. Especially a best friend category. Yeah. Because they're not equated to that level of friendship with you. Their issue was not there yet.

Dr. Alexis: Throw in the e It like

it.

Dr. Alexis: I forgot. I don't have my whiteboard. Can you get it for me? Because I wanna make sure I'm like capturing everything that everyone's saying.

Alex: Listen, you're getting this one. Alright,

Dr. Alexis: thank you very much. Okay. This is first thing, my notes on what people are saying and then my thoughts on it so I don't lose track. 'cause there was a bit there.

Alex: I, so one of my favorite points is the, I like the distinction of I'm not going to match energy any longer.

Yeah. Right. Because a lot of times, like you're gonna give back what they give you. Mm-hmm. And that's matching energy. Not even gonna waste his time with that. Nope. Love it. Not even gonna waste his time with it. He's going to then move on to relationships that actually value that energy and give back that info.

So I love that. It's like a next level. Don't just match. Yeah. Get rid of those people who, like, you're not, get feeling it and find people who are gonna really value that energy.

Dr. Alexis: Yeah. It, it reminds me of emotional enmeshment. Yeah, where it's, oh, this person's feeling depressed about their life, or upset or negative, and then that makes me feel negative or pissed off or something like that.

And it's like you're matching their energy or how low they are, and it's like you don't have to do that. You have your own autonomy. You could be separate from this person even if like they're your best friend. Yeah. You don't have to be down just because they're down and you don't have to be pissed off or negative just because they're pissed off and negative, especially if it's toward you.

You don't have to match.

Alex: Well, but on top of that, it's the, what's the investment, right? So what are they are? Is it one sided? And I like how he was talking about how one sided something is, right? And so in that, how one sided is it? Do you notice it's one sided? Do you notice? Are you taking it? Are you actually rewriting a narrative for them or not?

You know what I mean? And that's what I really like. Like it's seeing it for what it is. And being really intentional in that relationship to go, Ooh, what does this look like?

Dr. Alexis: Okay, so here's something that's been coming up for me as well on, on that topic, because we do wanna pay attention, have some awareness.

Alex: Yeah.

Dr. Alexis: If we have reciprocity in our relationships. Yes. And we also don't wanna be like keeping tabs. No, no, no. Or stats on, well, well, they called me five times. Year and or month, and I called them done. And like you're like marking this down. That's not healthy for any relationship. Well, intimate or platonic.

Right? Well,

Alex: but, and what's interesting about that is that's a feeling. Yeah. Right? Because if you're looking for equity in a relationship, that's a feeling that you're chasing. Because if you're feeling distant from this person and you're not feeling. Satisfied by whatever interactions you're having and you're asking yourself that question and you're keeping tit for tat you're doing those things like that.

Yeah. That's already a problem. That's a feeling that you're chasing, that you have to then address to have actual quality time or quality engagement and actually stack the bids to quote Gottman. Right. To like, you actually have somebody like who, who has to touch on those points to make it feel like it's actual quality time.

Yeah. That means that they're not. In some way, you have to change the relationship period. So it's not even about to, it's a red flag either way. So if you're keeping track, yeah, it's already a red flag. Or you

Dr. Alexis: feel like the urge to, 'cause you're like, wait a second, I haven't heard from this person in so long.

Yep. I've done all these things. Yep. To reach out and they haven't reached. And so it's almost like you're trying to validate that, what you already know. Yeah. So just know it. Yeah. So just know it. And either way, across the board socially in our communities. Politically in our mm-hmm. Or in our workplaces, in our intimate relationships.

Mm-hmm. We're not, we're no longer striving for equality. We're striving for equity. Yeah. And that's gonna look different for everyone and what our needs are. Yep. And so when I'm looking at these posts and these people sharing their experiences, it struggling in relationships. I wonder about the mental health and wellbeing of someone who isn't engaging, especially if it's a relationship that didn't have any kind of rupture or anything.

Yep. Or, and or not even necessarily like a change. Yep. But just all of a sudden someone's not engaging and that actually makes me concerned. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And so trying to figure out. Both like how can you be a caring and supportive friend while also making sure that you are receiving that back somewhere?

Yeah. That person might not be able to give it to you, but finding that intentionality and getting that from other types of relationships sure.

Alex: Might be the key. Sure. But again, if you're unhappy with, if somebody's not okay.

Dr. Alexis: Yeah. And

Alex: they're not taking care of themselves, or there's some other thing that's a barrier to them being a friend to you and you're not okay with that.

Okay. To also then you can understand it. Yeah. And you can hear where they're coming from, but you need something. You still have me. You can't hold onto that. Yeah. Right. That's no. So it's gonna sound selfish, but you need to take care of yourself.

Dr. Alexis: Yeah.

Alex: It's your life. Your job is not to be their caretaker in that.

Dr. Alexis: Yeah.

Alex: That's a really important distinction.

Dr. Alexis: I know it's really tough because a lot of people wanna support their friends or their loved ones with a partner while going through a depressive episode or a bipolar or some kind of like addiction. Or drama or, or even like, yeah. Social anxiety. There's just so many things that could be impacting a person and the way they're navigating their relationship with you.

Yeah. So it's worth to check in with people, of course. And also recognize that like while they're going through that and hopefully getting professional support, you also still have. Social needs.

Alex: Yeah. No, you cannot dismiss your needs.

Dr. Alexis: Yeah.

Alex: That's the whole thing. So like you can touch base, you can do those things.

Mm-hmm. But if you need to move on from a relationship, I can't give you what you need. That's okay. Again, it's sad, it's gonna hurt. This is not something in which you can take lightly and be like, oh, like I'm just gonna move on. And constantly use people like tissue paper. There it's more, it's more like understanding that there is a grieving process there.

Understanding what that looks like for you, for them, and moving on when you need to. If they can pick that thread back up when they're able and physically or mentally able, great. But if they're not, that's also okay.

Dr. Alexis: Yeah. And this person throughout the terminology, emotional intelligence. Mm-hmm. A couple of times.

Yeah. What did you think about the creator's use of emotional intelligence under this context?

Alex: It's important. Yeah. That's the whole way in which you gauge that thing. Yeah. You have to have somebody who has emotional intelligence and nuance in their lives, as well as to see that reflection in yours. So it's another aspect of equity where empathy is.

Residing.

Dr. Alexis: Right? Yeah. And when we're talking about emotional talent, it's like that awareness of your emotions, other people's emotions. Yeah. How people are being impacted by things, how you're being impacted by things. Yeah. And then the next step is like the regulation or being able to communicate those feelings.

Yeah. Openly with another person so they have an idea of what the hell's going on and what to do next in the relationship. Right.

Alex: Yep.

Dr. Alexis: All right. So overall, this one,

Alex: I think it's highly therapeutic. I'm a big fan.

Dr. Alexis: Yeah. Big fan. We love it. Fan, definitely not

Alex: trash. I like this one. And I think the interesting thing is that it touches on something else that I really like for this next clip, which is, okay, this curator has a message to all those strong friends.

Right? Which this adds in that another layer of that emotional intelligence that we're talking about. Mm-hmm. So he, this one I love. I already will tell you I love it. This is the message to all you strong friends out there.

All of your strong friends think that nobody's gonna be there for them because nobody has ever been there for them.

Strong friends are not just strong by birth, right? We don't just come out of the coochie strong. We don't, we realize that nobody's coming, and it proves over and over again because when we break down, that's the only time that somebody sees us then oh. Said something. I did. I did. And I did. And I did.

Right. But also in me saying something, I still prioritize someone else's wellbeing over mine. We do that. We do that because life has shown us that nobody's showing up.

Dr. Alexis: Yeah.

And so then in turn, we don't even show up for ourselves. We get so caught up in trying to keep. Everybody else secure ourselves.

Secure. Our friend secures. Our mothers secures. Our fathers secure. Oh, you good? I got it. I got it. I got it. We don't say we got it because we got it. We say it because we know you don't. And that will send you into an early grave. And that is why I told my daughter today as I realized, I said, this is my easy child and mothers pay attention so you don't replicate the cycle.

Because this cycle came from my mother, from her mother down to me, right? And I realized, I said, I am so grateful for my easy child. And I had to tell her, I said, you know what? Stop being easy when something hurts. Say it when you wanna cry. Say it when you are tired of the. You just say it and know you have the space because you do not have to stay quiet.

For me to stay comfortable. Yeah, because I will be there for you. I will show up for you, but I had to realize where the hell that came from. So check on your strong friends, but more importantly, strong friends. Check on yourself. Oh

Alex: good. So I don't just listen to everything she said. It's amazing. I think there's some generalizations there, like about how a strong friend develops, you know that.

Oh, yeah, that's true. That's true.

Dr. Alexis: The generalization around a strong friend is strong because no one was there for them. No one's coming. It's. Something that they've experienced throughout their lives,

Alex: and there's versions and iterations of that, and there's reasons why these things play out the way they do.

That is a very good example of them. Yeah. But not the only, so that's not the only way that thing happens, but I definitely love this a lot. That's, I possibly feel like it's a little too resonating thing, Sam. Yeah.

Dr. Alexis: So, yeah. That's pretty good. She's saying everything that I am. Experie validated. It's very validated.

She's very validated. Validated.

Alex: That's where, that's the word I'm looking. Yeah. Very validating.

Dr. Alexis: Yes.

Alex: Yes.

Dr. Alexis: And I hope that message resonates with people and motivates them to actually act,

Alex: you know, so if you are the strong friend, I want you to think about what it looks like to take care of yourself. If you see a friend who is the strong friend, check in with them.

Not because they're in crisis, not 'cause it's bad, but because you care and show them that care is there. They don't always need to do the things. Yeah. Because they're gonna, they're also gonna immediately do the thing. It's not your job to fix them, but they're gonna go into doing the things. Yeah.

Dr. Alexis: They're functioning as strong friends are.

Are functioning. Yes. If you're assuming what you're seeing on social media, like obviously hopefully by now, you know that's a bunch of Yep. Curated bs not intentionally, but that doesn't tell the whole story. I hope you know this. By 2025 after. All of the years that social media we've had, social can be truth.

And so hopefully you're not just relying with on social media or from what you hear from word of mouth about how someone's doing or just assuming that someone's doing okay because they're always okay. They always pull themselves up by their bootstraps and they're resilient and have a lot of grit, and have navigated a lot in life.

And

Alex: you know, all those words, bootstraps, grit, all those watch out.

Dr. Alexis: Check up on each other. Yep. Especially those do it right now. Yeah. Like even, just

Alex: stop, pause this video. If

Dr. Alexis: you're listening up via podcast or on demand, check with a strong

Alex: friend. If you're the strong friend, check in with yourself If,

Dr. Alexis: if you're listening to our broadcast on DC Radio, mental note, think about who in your life are those strong people that you might be overlooking

Alex: in

Dr. Alexis: the first

Alex: place.

Yep. Who just, and they won't tell you they're not well. They won't tell you that. It's hard. They won't tell you that. It's, they're gonna say, I'm good. How are you? Right? And be like, no, tell me. Catch me up.

Dr. Alexis: And that's what, and that was one of the things that I appreciate about this creator, is that, and I can't freaking find the word for it, but that they're like calling themselves out, holding themselves accountable for.

Enabling this well,

Alex: and then breaking the cycle logic in their daughter.

Dr. Alexis: Oh my gosh. The parenting aspect of it. For sure. Yes.

Alex: Parents listen to that. You don't have an easy kid. You have a kid who's not talking to you about something.

Dr. Alexis: Yes,

Alex: it's okay for them to be easy and talk about things. It's all right.

They're all, there's no, yeah.

Dr. Alexis: Honestly, like when they were talking, they labeled the person as the strong person. Yeah. I also see this as like firstborns are typically put in this role of you are the person who's gonna take care of your younger siblings. You're the person who's at from a very young age, nurtured in this way, where there's more ex.

Yeah. Expected of you as a child than of the other children around you. Well,

Alex: but that's the thing. The idea is that in being a first born, they usually parents have no other context except for lack, for lack of a better perfection. Mm-hmm. So they're like, this is what a kid's supposed to be.

Dr. Alexis: Right. And

Alex: they only have this rubric.

Then the second kid, you're like, oh, that's what our kid over here is. Uh, something like that. So the second is compared to the first, is compared to perfection. Mm-hmm. Really hard. Yeah. And also because the parents, because it's more an anxious place or space to be because it's your first kid. Yeah. You're gonna be anxious about it.

It's stressful. Yeah. It's really stressful. It is stressful. It's okay. It's just an exercise and anxiety. It's awful. Yeah. But because of that stress, they internalize that stress as well, so they're like, okay.

Dr. Alexis: And then they're the strong one.

Alex: Yep. That's also where that comes from. Yeah. So. Part of the short down there.

That's why in a psychosocial assessment, I'm asking about birth order.

Dr. Alexis: Right?

Alex: Yep.

Dr. Alexis: And it's not guaranteed research shows it. It's really just the nurture. Yeah. There's nothing scientific, biological, or anything about firstborns that that make us this way. Make us, Nope. The quote unquote strong one or type a's the type A, I would much rather not be because I don't have to be.

Yeah. And so it's really just about the way that parents. End up raising for foreign. But so there's another, there's a number of reasons why someone might be the strong friend. So check in with yourself to see, are you the one who openly communicates with others throughout the process of how you're doing, not just at your breaking point.

Mm-hmm. But throughout all of the lists and downs and inconveniences.

Alex: Yep.

Dr. Alexis: And then also check in. Check in with people.

Alex: Yeah. Yeah. Well, all right, so overall therapy. Did you have another thought? Oh, no, no more thought. Love it. Yeah, love it so much. Total therapy. I'm gonna steal it in museum therapy. So if you hear.

If you see me for therapy and I'm quoting this person, you'll know why. 'cause I already told you I love this thing so much. Yeah, so great. So therapy for sure. Good.

Dr. Alexis: You therapeutic?

Alex: Therapeutic. Yeah, for sure.

Dr. Alexis: Obviously we've said this before, but when we say therapy, we don't mean that watching social media is actually a replace of therapy.

No, but we're using it just as an easy way to say therapeutic. Use it

Alex: as an understanding of therapeutic. Aspect or therapeutic, healthy, helpful

Dr. Alexis: messaging from this crater. And

Alex: then you bring this to session and you send me this clip and you go, how do I do this? And I go, Hey, this is how we're gonna do this.

Right? 'cause how do you implement? What do you do for that? Use some skills. Yeah. When it says check in with yourself, I will help you.

Dr. Alexis: Yeah.

Alex: Navigate that space to then how to deal with that. That's my job.

Dr. Alexis: Exactly.

Alex: So all good. Alright. But this is also interesting, right? Yeah. So do you wanna know if your friendships are actually good for your brain?

Ooh. All right. So are your people around you, the people you surround yourself, are they good for your brain? Are you listening to this doc? Listen to this creator. I like this guy. Let's say that's real thing.

Dr. Alexis: Our people in our lives have an actual impact and our adult brain.

Alex: Listen about, just tell me what you think, everybody.

What do you think? Do your people affect your brain?

.: You know that who you hang out with and surround yourself with can literally change your brain and who you are. This isn't just some motivational quote, there's actual, you know, science behind this. Your brain is constantly making social comparisons.

Even when you don't realize it. It's sizing you up against the people around you. If you're around someone who's more disciplined, more skilled, or just doing something you admire, your brain's reward system lights up. But it can also activate pain circuits. Like when you feel left behind or not good enough.

And that discomfort isn't just emotional, it's neuro, and it often pushes people to improve or adapt. In addition to that, your brain has something called the mirror neuron system. Basically, when you see someone doing something meaningful, like starting a business or crushing a workout or learning a language, your brain fires as if you were doing it, and that's the part why motivation.

It's contagious and it doesn't stop there. The mirror system connects with parts of your brain that assign value, so suddenly the things they care about start to feel more important to you too, and it literally shifts your goals. And then there's your medial prefrontal cortex, which is the part of your brain that's involved in how you.

To yourself. What's wild is that when you're close to someone or aspire to be like them, your brain starts to overlap your identity with theirs, and that's why your environment matters so much. And finally, there's interpersonal synchrony and think of it as real time brain to brain alignment. So we're talking with someone you admire, your brain activity starts sinking with theirs, and that social alignment actually boosts learning and motivation.

Mm-hmm. It's not magic. It's just your brain being incredibly social and adaptive. In the end. This isn't some post about only hanging out with successful people. It's about being intentional with your environment, the people who challenge you, inspire you and make you wanna grow the actually shaping your brain in powerful and often invisible ways.

Yes. See what I,

Dr. Alexis: you may wanna rewatch that one because there was a lot

Alex: so to unpack there. There was lots of neuro theory there. If you want to know how your brain works and how it goes through things, there are a lot of things to redo. Whatever else.

Dr. Alexis: Do you have any recommendations? Oh man. So many

Alex: recommendations.

I'll have to put recommendations in the comments somewhere. We'll, we'll

Dr. Alexis: have links to all the creators that we're reviewing as well, so you could go back to that person's page and I'm sure they have. So much more

Alex: relatable information. I mean, your brain has so much to do with how you engage and then what the subsequent things are.

So like response and stimulus and all this? Yeah.

Dr. Alexis: Yeah. Isn't that fascinating because we always associate like brain development from infancy to adolescent young adulthood. The brains. Yes. The brain is like fully formed by like your early twenties. So I don't know why we have cutoffs at 18. 'cause your brain's not even, your executive functioning isn't even there.

Alex: That has nothing to do with. Um,

Dr. Alexis: that has nothing to do with age. And your brain's still doing stuff and still making connection, and you could still learn and adapt and grow and it's still being impacted socially. Yeah. And by your environment. And I love this. Shout out.

Alex: Yes. I love a lot of this stuff.

Yeah. I think there's a lot of things here to think about. Now what's interesting is I start thinking about neurodivergence. I start thinking about other things in which you're spending time with other people. What's it like? Yeah. For you? Are you mirroring? Are you not? What does that look like? But all in all.

If you just boil it down to its parts, the people you spend time with are gonna affect how you think, how you feel, how you're engaging. And it's really interesting when you start noticing like different interests, different passions that people have, they start to eek into other things. I'm gonna keep on being passionate.

All the things ever I one day you may just catch on one day, but I don't, are

Dr. Alexis: you trying to social alignment me?

Alex: Yes.

Dr. Alexis: Into your nerdy culture. Yes.

Alex: One day

Dr. Alexis: I watch way more sci-fi. Now I know. I like it's starting. I like it. I just don't wanna have to learn fantasy vocabulary in terms and character too and worlds and what different creatures mean.

I have so many other things to learn. That's not where I wanna dedicate my time, my learning time. You have to have like when you have to have a whole like vocabulary and like map. And everything to a story. It's like, it's too much

Alex: except super helpful for a lot of real world things, I suppose. So, ha.

Anyway, but No, but my point being, there's a lot to be said for who you bring in your life. What does that look like? Yeah. If you're meeting with people who are inspiring you, moving forward, engaging, you're going to feel better about moving forward and engaging. Right. The problem with. People who are taking risks like this is, you'd feel a lot of times, like when I work with C-suite folk, when I work with high performers, the the things that always the same, it is that it feels very lonely and isolating.

Yeah. Because you are doing something in which most people do not. You're trying things out that most people don't.

Dr. Alexis: Same thing with the creators that we work with as well.

Alex: Yeah. Anyone who's a creative, anyone who's, anyone who's trying to be delving forward into things like film and tv. Yeah. Like they're all this similar personality where you're doing something that's very vulnerable and out there and it feels very alone.

Dr. Alexis: It can. Yeah. If you don't have other people that have similar aspirations or get it. I even felt this way when I was in grad school too. Yeah. So even, or even like when you're going to college, maybe no one else from your hometown is going to college. Yeah. Or no one else from your family went to college, that that could be a culture shock.

Yep. When those relationships. Can get strained. Yep. For a number of reasons, and you might just find yourself aligning more and being more inspired and wanting to spend more time with people you know who are doing things that interest you and Oh, for sure. That that inspire you.

Alex: Yeah. So challenge change and there's nothing wrong

Dr. Alexis: with that.

If anything, we'll go ahead and give you the okay to do that.

Alex: Yeah. It's actually

Dr. Alexis: healthy for your brain and for your life overall.

Alex: So I think there's a lot here that's really cool to unpack. Yeah, I think it was almost too much. I wish I could break it down to the, like three clips, right? Because we had like social alignment, we had, um, there was a brain

Dr. Alexis: reward system.

Yep. The mirror mirroring neurons for motivation. Yep. The, it was medial prefrontal lobe social alignment. But overall, the intentional socialize with people who inspire you and I and oh, what I wanted to mention was, I like the, the disclaimer toward the end. Mm-hmm. About this is not one of those like bro talks where it's go hang out with only like super successful people and billionaires and stuff.

No, that's not what the messages you hear. Yeah. It's not like how to manipulate people and Yep. And then use people. Purely about continue continuing to stimulate your brain in a healthy way through your social interactions. Yeah. And again, being intentional about who you're spending your time with and how you feel around those people and how those Oh, for sure.

People impact you. Biop psycho.

Alex: Yeah. Yeah. Totally love it.

Dr. Alexis: Yeah. So

Alex: very therapeutic. Very therapeutic. Break it down, notice it, see how you're, see how it, when you're out and about with friends next time, anybody out there, when you're out and about with your friends, notice what parts of your brain are lighting up.

Mm-hmm. And see if you notice whether or not you're running into one of these concepts,

Dr. Alexis: you could tell that. Right? You could tell which parts of

Alex: your brain you can. Yeah. Just pay attention. Are you more motivated? Are you now interested in something you weren't necessarily interested in? Sure.

Dr. Alexis: Are you like zoning out during a conversation?

Or does it feel like you're pulling teeth in a conversation? Or does it feel like you, oh, now you're

Alex: adding new layers. Pull your eyes out in

Dr. Alexis: a conversation or your hair out,

Alex: a conversation. No. Now you're adding new layers. What are people talking

Dr. Alexis: about? Can you redirect the person to talk about something that might be more interesting or inspiring?

Are you just talking about whether or not

somebody's born.

Dr. Alexis: That's what I associated with this. Interesting. If people in my life aren't like inspirational or interesting, then what's the opposite of that? Okay. That might be the A DH, adhd. I'm like,

Alex: yes. That's the ADHD part. Yeah.

Dr. Alexis: When I talking about old friends versus new friends or family, going back.

To to old relationships. You're hearing the same if you're hearing the same stories over. And yeah, it's like same story, just like different decade. It's like, all right.

Alex: And anything new happening.

Dr. Alexis: Yeah. What else can we talk about? And I, and the aspect of feeling alone is very true as well. Mm-hmm. And so it does take that grieving process of those relationships or first a radical acceptance, well, these are just who these people are.

How they wanna live their lives and what they wanna accomplish, and yeah, they're fine. They're content and radically accepting that you might want more. What?

Alex: No, I'm just like a whole new layer to this that's like about boredom and around being bored in your relationships. Yeah. Yeah, it makes sense to hang out with people who are inspiring ing and engaging.

Think about what that's doing

Dr. Alexis: to your brain. Sure. You talked about your brain lining up. Imagine is your brain lighting up when you're in

Alex: a word conversation? What I'm like, what I'm thinking about this is like the intersectionality between neurodivergence like a DH, ADHD and stem, and what does it look like to spend time with other people too?

So I feel like that's almost a whole new layer in that. Do you know what I mean? Because what you find interesting, engaging, and appealing, like it's not always gonna be the big hit to the new story or new this thing, right? It's sometimes the basic interpersonal stuff. Yeah. So what lights you up there? Or is it just that you're bored or what does that boredom look like?

Or are you just seeking stem stimulus and Yeah, it doesn't have to be

Dr. Alexis: like fun, fun, new facts. I get that from you every day, but at least, but even just like

Alex: adhd, compliance, even just checking

Dr. Alexis: in with someone and their life and what's going on. Yeah,

Alex: that's I, yeah. I'm just like looking at the nuance of that.

'cause I think that's also like different layers of, and

Dr. Alexis: like what their aspirations are or what their hopes and dreams are. Mm-hmm. Or what their fears are. Vulnerabilities, I don't know, like how they overcame them. Like all that stuff Sure is, can be inspirational. So. Things to consider. Yeah. And then if you're No.

If you're noticing that, radically accept it. There's no judgment. It just is. Yeah. And then make those efforts to go find new people that align more with your aspirations.

Alex: Yeah.

Dr. Alexis: Right. Definitely that inspire you.

Alex: Love it. But also as you're talking about something that is really important, which is what your relationships look like over time.

Yeah. And this creator, right. Next video. Yeah. This creator is touching a little bit on this very quickly. I love this idea. Yeah. We'll see what you think. All right. New splash.

Dr. Alexis: Friendships over time may change. What do you think about that?

Alex: Yeah.

Dr. Alexis: How does that make you feel? Well, you're only about it. Yeah.

Physically, emotionally, yeah. Let's hear

.: friendships when you're an adult are so funny. I miss you so much. Let's hang out in November.

Dr. Alexis: That's also

Alex: not funny to me. It sucks.

Dr. Alexis: This is like a painful laugh. This is a It's true. But why is this a thing? It doesn't need to be that complicated for us. We travel a lot.

We're across the country. Mm-hmm. From a lot of people. And so we had to radically accept we gotta make new local friends because Yeah, waiting to see our friends like during the holidays is, doesn't meet all of our social needs. Sure. So I get that. Yeah. If you're long distance besties, but if you're like

Alex: down the straight,

Dr. Alexis: let's go hang out in November

Alex: if you're a short trip away.

Dr. Alexis: And so I do have those friends, they have their calendars planned out. They wanna lock me down for a busy month. Then I'm like, okay, cool. I'll lock you down. And we better be seeing each other before then.

Alex: Yeah. Because yeah,

Dr. Alexis: I'll go to you.

Alex: That's right. Well, but that's the thing. Why is it so complicated?

Why are we making it more complicated? Why are we doing more extra things? This next guy has an idea about how to change the game when it comes to your friendships. This is a, I'm very

Dr. Alexis: excited

Alex: about this one. Yeah, this is a good idea, man. This is the answer to changing relationships. Okay. No pressure friendships, no pressure

.: here.

Dr. Alexis: Change my entire life. Yep.

.: Change your entire life. Let's hear it. If I'm not meeting up with friends for breakfast, lunch, or coffee, the only other alternative is to meet them for a drink. And I think we need to normalize just going out for Diet Coke and french fries, like you're each gonna get a Diet Coke and.

Split a big plate of french fries and that is the alternative evening, going out, catching up activity. Because the truth is like I don't drink as much as I used to. Most of my friends don't drink as much as they used to. I have a lot of friends who now don't drink at all. And it's weird because like it's, oh, like I don't really feel like getting a drink either.

Like I genuinely don't feel like a drink today. But also, what else are we gonna do if we're not gonna go out for dinner? But what if we just made a solid plan to go somewhere to get Diet Cokes and split a huge thing of french fries or each get our own french fries, just trying to normalize going out for Diet Coke and fries, specifically going out for Diet Coke and fries being like, oh, let's go for Diet Coke and fries.

I guess I want this to be as common as going out for a drink, going out for coffee, going out for a meal, because there's a lot of nights where like, I'm not going out for dinner. But also like. I'm not going out for coffee or lunch or breakfast with someone and so the option is to go grab a drink, but like, I don't want a drink, but like also like I want to share something and like have that like experience of, oh, what are you getting?

Oh, what are you getting? Diet coke and fries. Diet coke and fries.

Dr. Alexis: I love this so much. I love such a simple concept that took him a minute and 12 seconds. Yes.

Alex: That was highly rev. I was 30 times, times and how many times? 30 times in your brain? Yeah. Just so you remember it. Diet Coke and fries, everybody. No, I don't want Diet Coke.

I know, I, I don't

Dr. Alexis: and I can't eat fries that much.

Alex: Yeah. I don't,

Dr. Alexis: I would take, if I, if it was up to me, Mexican coke and fries. Yeah.

Alex: Diet Coke and french fries. Brilliant idea. It doesn't have to be for coke and fries, but think about how easy, what a easy lift that is. Yeah. You just find a spot. Even coffee or whatever else, but just make it something easy.

Casual coffee's usually a specific time, oh, I can't drink coffee in the afternoon or whatever else. Right. Coffee shops also close really early, going to a 24 hour. I wanna

Dr. Alexis: talk about, I wanna talk about how this is common around like other cultures. It is common to just go grab tea or to go grab Bobo or just.

To go, or

Alex: like a hookah bar. I know that sounds weird, but

Dr. Alexis: Yeah, depending on your health goals needs, but

Alex: it's cul. But culturally, I'm not even talking about in the us, but like in Middle Eastern going and sit around, I'm thinking like in my head, I'm thinking Morocco, you have like, you have your,

Dr. Alexis: yeah, you have your go-to thing that you're consuming and sharing together your breaking bread together, right?

Yeah. And it doesn't have to be a whole. Meal. Yeah. Literally just let's go out and get some bread.

Alex: I really just wanna go get fries. Oh my gosh. I really want, we're gonna leave and go get fries after this.

Dr. Alexis: Okay. But we're gonna get my fries in and out. No, let's go out and get in and out together.

Alex: No, I, not real fries.

We're gonna, and we're gonna get real fries. But,

Dr. Alexis: so Yes, and I think they realize it's like this isn't brand new. I think it's, it might be just an issue with us here. In the States or I Western in civilization.

Alex: But I think the point is like there's a lot of emphasis on like really planning something structured or something intense.

Dr. Alexis: Yeah.

Alex: You do not have to do something structured or intense. It could be something you just, you go to a thing, you sit there, you hang out for, eat some fries, have a drink, have a Coke. Yeah. And do whatever, whatever drink you want, and just. That's it.

Dr. Alexis: I like my trips to the nursery. Let's go look at plants together.

Alex: That's funny too. We could always use a

Dr. Alexis: new plant, but I, and they don't have to be super expensive. It can be the same cost as a, a Coke and fries, and then you don't have, if you're not hungry. Yeah. But I get what they're saying. So the goal is the mission. Your mission is if you take anything away from

Alex: us, do not fall on the trap of making, having to do larger, bigger things.

An entire meal, an entire thing. Don't have to plan a day around. It

Dr. Alexis: doesn't even have to be a whole hour. It could be like a, yeah. My best friend and I used to like meet up in the mornings on our way to work. 'cause our commute intersected at one spot. We realized, and I'm not a morning person, so you can imagine how well I did.

This was fun for me. She's not a morning person, but it was a nice way to stop my day to like meet up with them and I'm gonna grab my coffee for the day anyways. Yeah, and we didn't get to have that much time together, but we get. See each other on a regular basis. Mm-hmm. For five, 10 minutes, however long it's taking to get, grab our coffee and chat, you know, that's

Alex: meaningful.

Yeah. That's the important part. That's what I think of. I think of this being something really, and honestly I love the idea, again, I'm gonna go back to french fries. The reason why, here's another reason why, because there needs to be something in around the 24 hour diner that needs to come back in a huge way where people.

Are part of a community. You go to your local diner, you go to a spot. Yeah, you these other things like Mel's Diner's, an institution in Los Angeles for just being that spot you go to for french fries and something else in the middle of the night or pie. Not

Dr. Alexis: everyone can eat this type of food. It doesn't

Alex: matter.

So get whatever you need to, but. It's a good point. It's a good way to like bond. Like grabbing a slice. Yeah. In New York. Or grabbing anything. Or grabbing Ben's chili bowl in, in dc You don't need to grab Ben's chili

Dr. Alexis: bowl. Grab a little snack. A snack.

Alex: But the whole point is it shouldn't be extra. It shouldn't have to be this whole thing.

Dr. Alexis: Let's make, yeah, let's just make our lives and our relationships. Easy,

Alex: smaller touch points.

Dr. Alexis: Yes. Smaller.

Alex: Yep.

Dr. Alexis: I like that.

Alex: That's what I think of. That's why I like it. I think it's more useful that way. And then our last clip of the evening, just to keep yourself accountable or maybe not accountable, but to remind yourself that not everybody out there is great for you.

This creator has worth wisdom. I love this. Are

Dr. Alexis: you leaving us on a low point? Yes. Not everyone's great for you. Yep. I

Alex: want to leave you on

Dr. Alexis: a low point.

Alex: Yep. Nope, I simple will suck. Some wise wisdom Z things. I like this one. Makes me laugh too. Go for

Dr. Alexis: it. Is it gonna align with, some people are gonna bore you

Alex: a little bit?

A little bit. Maybe not. I don't know. I think you think boring is criminal, so Yeah, let's do it. I

Dr. Alexis: do. Okay. Wait, so what is it?

Alex: This stuff is all about learning from others and allowing yourself to learn from others. Oh, I like

.: that. Yeah. Okay. Gentle reminder that some people's purpose in your life is literally just to serve as an example of what not to be.

So give yourself the gift of learning from other people's mistakes because it's a lot cheaper that way. Yeah.

Dr. Alexis: Okay. I have a lot to say about this.

Alex: See? I told you.

Dr. Alexis: Okay, listen, people, listen. Research is based off of thousands. Oh, we're on camera. Research is based off of thousands of people who are properly.

Studied and investigated. And so when we wanna learn from people, especially turn to research. Yes. Don't just turn to anecdotal small time experience of what you've seen in your life. The more people. You could learn from, like you have the ability to learn from thousands of people about really just about anything.

Yep. Even more ladies topics these days. And so why would, why do, I don't understand why people are like so fixated on, on, it's like their experience when, or like. Or just limiting their worldview or their lifestyles or how to do things to like the small group in their lives when you could like, actually yes, learn from them in, in a really intentional way to see if it fits with you, kind of question things for yourself and expand that to learn from thousands of other people.

All either within your cultural world, I did not see your take on this coming at all. I'm like,

Alex: where are you going with this?

Because

Alex: this woman said, learn from people. Learn from the people in your life that are being idiots. And you go, some people's jobs in your life is to be the more on your life. Yes.

And you're gonna be like, no, I don't want to do anything that you're a part of. Yes. And you don't have to like them at all. This is not friends. These are just people. Yes. And you go, forget it.

Dr. Alexis: Yes, and research, learn research from all kinds of people, nerd that we've studied. You

Alex: took this to a nerdy level that I did not see coming at all.

Dr. Alexis: Believe in research because imagine like you learn so much from the people that you observe if you are actually observing them. She's

Alex: like, people are stupid. Learn from the stupid people. And you're like, research is, I'm like, I love, it's like, yes, such a nerd.

Dr. Alexis: Because think about it. I'm thinking about it.

Think about within your circle. I get it. If you are learning from those people how valuable that is and like quad, quadruple big number that and learn from other people so that way you don't have to suffer, please. That's why research is so valuable, because you don't have to make the same mistakes. You could just pick up from where the research left off.

Hi, sweet girl. We nerd. Even the nerd.

Alex: Nerd, even the dog says, your nerd. That's hilarious. So I think as they need it to

Dr. Alexis: be

Alex: said on an individual level, I think it's very important. Yeah. I think it's really important to say, Hey, this is, these are people in my life that I'm just kinda wanna learn from and I don't need to deal with your crap.

Yeah. And you, this is just not for me. Yeah. And I think that's enough for me. That was enough. But research is also good.

Dr. Alexis: And just because you see people in your lives, like making certain decisions and going down a certain path doesn't mean that like. You have to follow that same path or make those same mistake carry on the same patterns.

True. And you can do stuff different.

Alex: Yes.

Dr. Alexis: And that's the take you should have

Alex: for today. So today's take hot take. Do stuff different.

Dr. Alexis: Do stuff different than different. Do

Alex: stuff other things different. If you're gonna take up anything today, do stuff different

Dr. Alexis: with intention.

Alex: Brought you by do stuff

Dr. Alexis: We, we had all winners today.

Alex: I know. It was my fault.

Dr. Alexis: No, that was great. I

Alex: picked all winners.

Dr. Alexis: That's good. Yeah, because sometimes we could get too hot and heavy and sassy on the show and now it's nice to just like positive vibes all way around and I feel like they're all good all the way around messages.

Alex: Yeah, they're all good messages.

Dr. Alexis: They're all great. So value your energy.

Alex: Yes.

Dr. Alexis: Overall, by being really intentional. Be a be observant, not non-judgmental. Just observe. See how you feel around certain people's. What's working for you in certain relationships, what's not. And then yes, it's gonna feel uncomfortable.

Alex: All right. You gotta do it this way.

Five tips to change your life, right? Number one. Be intentional with the people you're spending time with. Number two, make sure that you are reciprocating the energy in which you have from other people. Number three, make sure that you are actually engaged back and forth and checking in with yourself and taking care of yourself so you're not just alone as that strong friend.

Number four, the people that you're spending time with really do matter and change your brain chemistry. Number five, don't waste your time on big things in further friendships, because I'm gonna combine this with number six, which is. Tries a diet of Coke and seven, which is learn from people

Dr. Alexis: both in your close circle and beyond.

Alex: And that was seven tips. You got two for free

Dr. Alexis: bonus tips. Yeah, five tips. That should work for all the quick scrollers out there. Until next time, my friends, every Tuesday, 6:00 PM West Western Tech Six, they have horses on the east coast, 6:00 PM Pacific, 9:00 PM East Coast, every Tuesday. Eastern three Tuesday.

We are live on YouTube for sure. Instagram, yeah. You probably Facebook, TikTok and sometimes TikTok. Yeah, with it's, we get to surprise, we get banned on TikTok and then if you miss our show came in late, you get it immediately On demand on our YouTube channel. Wit and reason.com/at wit and reason.

Subscribe. I forgot to remind you to do that throughout. S check out all of our resources and, and our links in our bio, and thank you so much for joining us. We'll see you next week. Oh, we have to tease next week. Show.

Alex: Yeah.

Dr. Alexis: So we talked about, let's talk about community stuff.

Alex: We're talking community next week and we're gonna give you five tips on how to build the best communities.

Dr. Alexis: Yay.

 

 
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